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Jul. 18th, 2008 @ 06:43 am
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so... my plan to go to devils lake tomorrow... rain out? |
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Jul. 17th, 2008 @ 09:35 pm
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aggie news!!
I didnt weigh him yesterday, so its been 48 hours. Picked him up and I could feel the weight difference. 195G, thats up 30G in 2 days.
at this rate, hes gonna need weight watchers. I should be careful too... hes gotta get back up to 300+ grams, but not overnight. dont need him having a heat attack.
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... to continue
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Jul. 17th, 2008 @ 08:04 pm
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purging purging purging
stress is breaking my shoulders, straining my back, hurting my soul. I can taste the poison.
its time to purge, mentally, physically. its time to let go of the stress, let go of the anger, forgive and forget. I have to learn to let go... to not hang on to every little thing, not let every bump in the road dump apples off the cart.
...so it begins. |
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Jul. 17th, 2008 @ 07:48 pm
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Purging
Today seemed like a day to purge.... well, at least electronically.
What's your Magic Number? Well, seems like mine was 10,000.
10,000 e mails in my e mail box. enough is fucking enough. I made several folders to divide them up into, to save what I wanted, then went to work. E Mails from megan went into one folder, ones from Jamie went into another, other random stuff I wanted to save into a third archive folder. One for bills, one for job related info. Hack the fuck away at the rest. From 10,000 e mails, i am down to about 1500 in my inbox, and those are the ones I just want to read through and make sure I am not tossing any vital info I was looking for.
Megan E mails over some 3+ years... just under 4000.
Jamie E mails, about 650.
So, tossed, was about 3000 e mails so far. I am going to sift through the megan ones for various links and e mailed photos and such, finally toss the rest.
By the way, reading through many of these, from megan, from jamie and some of the others from family and such... was a fucking head trip. I would have better spent my time by taking a hammer and shattering a knuckle every 20 minutes, savoring the pain till its time to bust up the next one. Yes, 4 years indeed... eat shit father time, you heartless prick.
By random chance, I opened some and read them that just blew my mind. Stuff I had completely forgotten about... and some that I wish I had not remembered. A treasure trove of the past... that time capsule in the cornerstone of a building.
Stuff that builds us, shapes us, makes us who we are.
I wouldn't change who I am right now for the world, and therefore wouldnt change my experiences, but holy fuck batman, what a hell of a ride. Those scars are fading, but will forever be there.
Anyone have some concealer? |
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stress
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Jul. 16th, 2008 @ 09:22 am
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Despite things going fairly well for the most part, i feel stress wrecking havoc on my body. Maybe its a delay from the last few months? Does it take time to hit you? Thinking about it, i guess it does take time.
Stress hits you first mentally, then takes time to manifest itself physically. It seems to be doing a number on my body. The funny thing is, the stress is receding and I guess the physical damage was done(?)
How has stress affected you physically? I am now convinced (i was fairly convinced before)that mental thoughts can 100% affect the body in drastic ways. |
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So, today at work, i talked with a *14* year old girl.
She lives with her father and *his* boyfriend. The father and mother broke up due to this lifestyle change of the fathers. So, she lives with dad and his boy. She is sexually active and came into the immediate care clinic today pregnant. *32* weeks pregnant. No prenatal care. Wants to terminate the pregnancy. "If mom finds out, she will disown me."
Head trip.
We hooked her up with OB, shes got shit tons of appts in the next few days. Was informed termination was not an option at this point. We are gathering resources for adoption for her.
All that said.... Aggie is eating like a pig now, this is good. Im still tired as hell. noticing some more medical issues of my own that im not too happy about. Stress is beating me up. I need to relax more. Its just impossible at the moment though.
Jul. 14th, 2008 @ 08:57 pm
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After 2 solid weeks of up and down weight ever other day, this is the first time that there has been steady, slow weight gain. Still though, he is below the weight he was at when i took him to the vet. his 2 weeks of meds are done, hes *kinda* starting to eat on his own. I think I will still force feed him once a day in the evenings... but things are tentatively looking better
:)
Jul. 13th, 2008 @ 01:19 pm
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I really love the place i live. Its a great apt, great location, on the bus line for work, near shit i love... and i can afford it. There is a really big chance that im going to be forced to move due to things way beyond my control.
finding a new place with my credit is going to be almost impossible. let alone finding something i can afford... and something that logistically works...
:(
too much shit at once.
Jul. 12th, 2008 @ 10:39 am
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CAUSTIC!!!!! you know of anything cool touring through the Oslo/Norway area int eh next few weeks?
Jul. 11th, 2008 @ 04:46 pm
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405 PM, friday. gonna stay later after 5. no emergency to fix, or problems to solve. im just staying late to do odds and ends. by choice. thats sad.
entertain me!! ;)
Jul. 11th, 2008 @ 04:05 pm
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A brief glimpse of something in one of my favorite TV shows has spun me into deep thought and heavy emotion. I am conflicted in my thoughts. Do I keep on pushing this period out of my head, or is it time to look at it from a different perspective.
I try hard to not hurt those that I care about, but being only human, I fail at that sometimes - though with no intentional malice. At the moment, I feel absolutely wrecked about any pain I caused this particular person. For that, I truly am sorry.
Jul. 10th, 2008 @ 08:31 pm
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Said it before, said it again, Fuck You Obama....
Thanks for voting for this... you just gave me *another* reason to not vote for your sorry Democratic ass.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/10/washington/10fisa.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=federal%20intelligence&st=cse&oref=slogin
Senate Approves Bill to Broaden Wiretap Powers *AND* gives telcom companies immunity.
Jul. 10th, 2008 @ 06:40 pm
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stolen from caustic
High Noon Saloon presents
Zebras
The Cemetery Improvement Society
The Real ID Act
Scarf Party
9:00 PM / $5 cover / 18 and up
Zebras play spastic, fun, discordant, deconstructionist art-punk-metal. About Cemetary improvement Society: "Watching Marc Claggett perform live as The Cemetery Improvement Society hints at what it must be like to watch him craft the project's screwy grooves at home: He thrashes along to a sampler full of beats and disembodied voices, stepping back to lay down some depressive post-rock guitar and slam beers."-The Onion (A.V. club) The Real ID Act has a sound like Sly Stone crashing Jeff Buckley’s funeral in a vinyl suit, but dirtier. Scarf Party opens with some electronica jamz, occasionally reminiscent of Daft Punk but with more top-40 and emo tendencies.
Jul. 10th, 2008 @ 01:00 pm
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good news!!
Aggie gained about 11.5G in the last 24 hours.
Hes still about 8G shy of when i first brought him home from the vet and kept track. But i found a mix of wet food that he likes!
Jul. 9th, 2008 @ 10:03 pm
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I am too tired to move.
For this first time at this job... I just don't want to even go into work,
Jul. 7th, 2008 @ 06:01 am
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im guessing aggie didnt eat last night.
he went from 161.2G last night, to 145G this afternoon.
:( Thats a huge drop.
He has to be getting some food into him, hes been more active lately, but still is loosing weight... dunno what up. I dont see any lumps on him... so if its cancer, its well hidden.
Ill judge the next few days, and looks like I may have to put him down.
I dunno, i hate this shit.
Jul. 5th, 2008 @ 02:47 pm
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Everything had been going great.
Some extra stress at work, but I was dealing with it.
The Aggie situation has really beat me down.
Despite eating some, and being force fed by me, hes still loosing weight. Things do not look like they are going to improve. Its been about a week since I had him to the vet, and a week on meds and getting close attention. Hes more spunky, eating a bit. Not drinking still and loosing weight. The reality of putting him down is looming closer.
I can hear him making his way around his igloo right now :) Hes so cute. I started to realize there was a problem when he *wasnt* keeping me awake at night running endlessly in his wheel. With so much change over the past 4 years of my time in madison, and I mean lots of change, hes been the only constant. Loosing him is going to hurt.
Jul. 4th, 2008 @ 12:23 am
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OK.. so, im covered in that mush paste that im feeding aggie... but i learned this tontie, you can grab a hedgehog by the scruff of its neck, and holy fuck, its cute :)
Jul. 2nd, 2008 @ 08:55 pm
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i feel like such a mean bastard having to force feed and force water aggie :(
Jun. 30th, 2008 @ 10:36 pm
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